Despite all the information available about “netiquette” and the importance of networking strategically online, I continue to get dozens of mystery online networking requests. Sometimes the connection is as weak as being a member of the same group (with 50,000 other members) or as bizarre as asking for a face-to-face meeting based on the fact that we reside in the same city.
Something strange seems to happen to some people when they network online. It’s as if some people think that none of the common rules for building relationships exist. Could you imagine ever saying any of the following things over the phone or in person to someone you don’t know?
- I’ve seen you walking down this block in the neighborhood before. Want to meet for coffee?
- Someone told me we used to work for the same company that employs 20,000 people. Want to chat sometime?
- I found your number in the phone book. Maybe we have something in common.
- I heard through the grapevine that you work for a company where I would really like to work. Can you tell me more about what it’s like to work there?
- I found you in the 1997 student alumni directory. I’m a graduate of the class of 1980. Would you like to compare notes?
- I know I’ve never actually met you before and you have no idea who I am. But someone suggested I say “since you are someone I know and trust, I would like to add you to my network.” Does that work for you? (Hint: that’s verbatim from a LinkedIn template that people seem to use whether they know you or not).
- You looked like someone I should know so I followed you home, made note of your address and then did a search to find your phone number. Would love to meet formally sometime.
- I found your name and number written on a cocktail napkin at a local restaurant and I decided to call you. I figured, “what do I have to lose?”
Of course you wouldn’t say any of these things! So why do people think this approach will work online? If you are using LinkedIn or other social media tools to connect with others, create authentic relationships and recognize that the affinity will grow over time. Even on Twitter where there are generally no gatekeepers for connecting with others, it’s still advisable to follow the person for awhile and create a supportive and non-threatening dialogue before bringing the relationship face to face.
I am a fairly open connector on LinkedIn as well as other social media platforms. But I have to know a little bit about you and why you want to connect before I accept. Isn’t that just common sense?
For anyone interested in connecting via LinkedIn, you can find me here. Just be sure to tell me how you found me and why you think we should connect.
Barbara- as I was hmsrofl, I thought of a few other classic excuses for connecting including: we go to the same barber, we use the same lawyer and my favorite, I need you to help me even if you don’t know me because networking is about being generous.Strictly online relationships are not the same as those connections that are based on a broader platform of interactions and certainly, the duration of the relationship also plays a key role in helping to cement trust. To me, the key is can I, should I, do I want to trust you as a contact. What criteria do you use in deciding to accept a networking invitation? What about staying in touch and cultivating a deeper relationship?
Debra,
These are excellent points. Online networking helps build efficiencies into the process, but it’s not a shortcut. The same rules of traditional networking still apply. Thanks for reading!
I guess there are two theories. The one you like is very personal, approaching and letting people close to you with whom you have a personal relationship. Depending on the people, this could take quite a while before any business is transacted. The other theory is less personal, approaching online and offline selling with a sort of Walmart approach. The seller makes his pitch, if he makes a sale, great. If not, he didn’t lose anything, because you don’t have a sale until you make the sale. If your circle of friends includes five or ten years worth of corporate American contacts, the first method will work for you. If your circle of family and friends have very little money, and you are forced to sell to the general public, you have to use the second. You could never stand the rejections, unless you could change your attitude about what you were trying to do. Are you primarily trying to make a bunch of friends and maybe sell something as a bonus? Or are you primarily trying to sell and making some friends is the bonus?
Lou,
You make some interesting points. It’s not that I will only connect with people I know; it’s that I need to feel that the person is authentic and that there is a reason to build the relationship that is based on an affinity or relevance that makes sense to me. I understand what you are trying to say with the sales analogy, but aren’t people still more likely to “buy” from people they feel they can trust? Thanks so much for reading and contributing to the conversation!
Hi Barbara,
Yes, I believe people will tend to buy from people they trust. We promote using our product to create and maintain that kind of trust. In many of my own purchases of goods and services, I am swayed by who I trust. My only point was that if you find yourself with the general public comprising most of your prospects, your methods and attitudes have to be different.
Lou